Tourists in London for April: spread the tube etiquette word

As the Royal Wedding approaches and by all accounts tourists begin flocking to London to take part in the charade, our tube network will surely be under increasing pressure.

This will only mean one thing - tube etiquette will suffer even more.  What should one expect? Well the same as usual x 100.

Imagine every tube journey, even non-rush hour, being akin to a sardine can, body odours and all.

Imagine everyone around you invading your personal space as they try to talk across you to each other in several different languages whilst having one earplug in - the other swaying round their necks still booming loud euro trash music. 

Imagine backpacks and luggage everywhere, taking up seats and in the last space left in the carriage where you may have just had enough room to squeeze on.

Imagine bags of shopping filled with commemorative mugs, tea towels, hats, t-shirts and other junk bumping into you every five seconds.

Imagine kids everywhere during rush hour as well as throughout the day as their parents drag them to the occasion, desperate for them to see a part of our ebbing Royalist history in action.

Imagine, whilst avoiding all the above, people taking photos of everything: from the tubes coming into the station to posing in the packed carriage, to posing in front of various signs within the rammed station concourse and platforms.

Now I’ve nothing against tourists but I think you’ll agree I’ve painted a rather vivid (and slightly terrifying) picture here. 

And that's just for a wedding - what about the Olympics next year? I think it's high time I followed the Evening Standard's advice and got working on some posters. Surely TfL would be grateful...

In fact, what I’m actually doing is the only sensible option and escaping the whole debacle. For I will be getting married two days earlier (yes - I beat Waity-Katy) and will be on a remote desert island while London grounds to a halt.

Enjoy.