my new tube etiquette hero

As readers of this blog may have cottoned on to by now, I often obsess about the right way to confront perennial rule breakers on the tube. However, I very rarely ever end up saying anything at all.

Enter my new hero.

Imagine the scenario - hot,  packed tube. I managed to get a seat at Oxford Circus (see my book for tips on how to) on a tube travelling on the Victoria Line to Victoria. Straight after me, pushing shoving and screeching, were no fewer than 12 Spanish teenagers complete with backpacks and extremely overexcited.

There was one seat next to me that these students barged their way to and four of them piled on to the one seat - boisterous boys all sat on top of eachother right next to me. I'm actually bruised from the incident.

Despite there being only two stops until Victoria, this tube was slow. Every second I was being elbowed and screeched across. The Spanish students were clearly slagging off, in their native language, everyone else in the carriage who dared to be present during their quite evident tube party. 

I caught the eye of an Irish woman standing opposite me who winked and said 'shall I teach them a lesson?'
I didn't really catch on to what she was talking about but nodded anyway and smiled back.

Just then one of the human pile ups on the next seat fell literally on top of me - arms flailing, elbows jabbing and instead of apologising laughed right in my face, which was by this time, I'm sure, purple with rage.

The Irish lady turned round to face the boys and delivered what can only be described as a flurry of perfect Spanish remonstrations, in a perfect Spanish accent, to picture perfect horrified faces who were clearly busted as she had understood everything they had said and they couldn't declare ignorance by pretending not to understand her.

This lady was polite, dignified and had the shock value. She is my new tube hero and I'm now even more determined to never confront a tube offender again - unless I can top this lady's performance.

Bravo.