'what they say about the tube is true' - tube etiquette for newcomers

It's Thursday evening on the Victoria line towards Victoria overground station and all tubes are being held on their platforms. No information is available - from the announcers or on the dashboards. All around me are people muttering expletives, sighing with huge gusts of air and shaking their heads periodically as they look around trying to catch other people's eyes for a mutual look of disgust at the London Underground's latest delays.

I stand there taking it all in, giggling to myself at the rule in The Little Book of Tube Etiquette which states as a rule of engagement in using the tube we know that the trains will inevitably be delayed, that the dashboards are always incorrect (roughly two to three minutes to every minute displayed) and that the announcers seem to have a bank full of different excuses that they churn out in regular cycles to try and explain what is inexplainable and so armed with this knowledge the habitual swearing, shaking of one's head and sighing should be limited.

However, even I admit that this situation had me muttering one or two choice words.  And it is now going to happen every day. Yes folks, it is even advised that for the entire year of 2011 we should be avoiding the Victoria Line in rush hour due to there being only one escalator we can access.  What's more, if you want to change lines at Victoria tube station now, you will have to walk for 15 minutes via a maze of underground tunnels and walkways.  They hope the renovations will be finished in time for the 2012 olympics but there are many doubters.

When I finally managed to get on a tube (it took over 40 minutes to get two stops down the line) we all piled on in sardine fashion, cramped more than ever before, and the experience was totally summed up in one American's drawl: 'what they say about the tube is true'.

I'm not sure which part of this horrific experience the lady was referring to in particular but it didn't matter. The point is, she had the tube nailed. Everything you hear is true - no matter how weird, wacky or frustrating. And that should be the welcome message for tourists.