Friday night on the train and everyone's behaving badly

Friday night’s journey home from work was the worst journey I’ve experienced in a long time in terms of other people’s behaviour.

Sure people were annoyed because of the torrential downpour of rain, and the inevitable delays this caused to the overground trains travelling anywhere south of London.

Of course people just wanted to get home to start the Bank Holiday weekend in style - me being one of them.

There was, however, simply no excuse for rudeness, an abundance of irritants and displaying obvious aggression to get to seats.

One group of young girls (I would say ‘ladies’ but they certainly didn’t act that way), had loaded all of their suitcases in the aisle and when an elderly woman couldn’t get past, instead of helping her they simply ignored her. When she dared to politely ask them to move their bags she received a torrent of abuse until a burly man cleared the path and told the girls to show more respect. They then spent the rest of their journey until Gatwick Airport being rude about the elderly woman and the man who had helped her.

Unfortunately another passenger and I got a seat right in the middle of a group of people who had obviously wanted to sit together but failed to elbow their way to an empty block despite their best attempts. That’s right, I defended my space – there will be no bullying me out of a seat I rightfully deserved having got there first by some measure.  This group decided to shout across the other passenger and I for the entire journey and made sure we understood that their disapproving glances were indeed meant for us. Boo hoo.

There also appeared to be the world’s biggest concentration of annoying tweenagers playing their computer games on full volume. Accompanied by their parents, I’m confused as to why they didn’t find the tinny repetitive music as annoying as the rest of the carriage.

Of course, there were also the inevitable group of tourists retiring to the coast for the extended weekend, and with this came the overuse of cameras for the duration of my journey. Picture of the group on the train. FLASH. Picture of each of the group individually on the train. FLASH. Picture of the group making funny faces at each other on the train. FLASH. Picture of some of the group piled up on to one seat on the train. FLASH. Picture of the group dancing in the very limited space in the aisle on the train. FLASH. You get the image. All hilarious I’m sure.

And finally, what peaceful relaxing train journey home on a Friday night would be complete without the stereotypical teenage boys all wearing their jeans beneath their bottoms playing rap music, at full blast. Singing along – swearing and all - was a particularly lovely additional feature.

So there you have it – a train rammed full of bad behaviour. I’m sure there were other obvious displays of poor train etiquette but I’m winding myself up just reliving it so I’ll leave it there for now.

P.S. I haven't forgotten about my experiment to witness the reaction of others on the tube, I just need to put it into practice this week. After my weekend's experience as a commuter I felt bad causing more annoyance to other passengers who might be innocent...I will report back soon.

Laura King is the author of The Little Book of Tube Etiquette, available at Waterstones, Foyles, Amazon and now available on Kindle.

Follow on twitter @LauraKing14

http://www.gibsonpublishing.co.uk/

Turning tube etiquette on its head

With the tube a bit quieter in the summer months, I've decided to play a game. Instead of me getting angry at other people's behaviour, I'm going to behave badly and judge the reaction of others. This way, I will learn whether I am just intolerant or if my exasperation at the lack of etiquette on the London Underground is genuinely reasonable.

So, this week I will be mostly 'fidgets in the handbag girl'.  You know the type - the one who, for the entire duration of a trip on the tube, is rummaging in her oversized handbag for something - but never finds it.

Even better, if I get a seat, my elbows will be flailing as I dig deeper and deeper into said oversized bag moving objects around but never actually producing anything of interest.

I will gauge the reaction of both the people sitting next to me and, if standing, those I manage to frustrate with my fidgeting and elbows whilst we are rammed together like sardines in a can. 

I will report back.

Loud man's conversation - and it went a little something like this...

The overground trains can be every bit as annoying as the tube. Particularly when you have to commute a long way as I do.

One of the worst journeys of recent weeks was a man shouting on his mobile for the entire hour-long journey to work.  It was so loud I could hear the other person's tone, although not their words, despite me sitting three rows back from him.

So, being as I was not going to get any work done through lack of concentration, or be able to snooze quietly through sheer disturbance, I amused myself by making up ridiculous sentences that the other person 'geezer' may have been saying. And it went a little something like this:

Rude man: 'alright geezer, how's it going?'
Geezer: 'well my life's a bit strange right now. I've just seen an alien.'
Rude man: 'you never. did you really? where?'
Geezer: 'in my garden, sitting in my chair, smoking a fag'
Rude man: 'smoking! what time was this?'
Geezer: 'about midnight last night. I swear it was an alien.'
Rude man: 'are you sure? it's pretty unlikely.'
Geezer: '100 per cent.'
Rude man 'hundred percent!'
Geezer: 'yep. it even waved at me.'
Rude man: 'what did you do. did you wave back?'
Geezer: 'yep. i didnt want to annoy it.'
Rude man: 'dam right. i'd have done the same thing geezer. What did he do then?'
Geezer: 'he wanted to come in for a pint.'
Rude man: 'i'd never have a pint with him.'
Geezer: 'well he seemed friendly enough so i invited him in.'
Rude man: 'you never!'
Geezer: 'I did. He then tried it on with my missus'
Rude man: 'that thing tried it on with your missus? I'd have kicked him silly until he saw stars.'
Geezer: 'he's probably seen a lot of stars though where he's from'
Rude man: 'true, true. good thinking. so what happened next? Does your missus know?'
Geezer: 'well he vanished. i told the missus but she wouldnt believe me?'
Rude man: 'you ain't a liar though'
Geezer: 'that's what i said'
Rude man: 'this whole thing is alien to me. i wouldn't take any of that ****'

I amused myself playing this game for about 50 minutes. Not my best creative work I'm sure but more fun than listening to the inane drivel that a one-sided conversation usually churns out. 

Guys - we dont want to hear your conversations - ever. I challenge others who are in this situation to make up the other side of the phonecall, it's much more fun, trust me.

Laura King is the author of The Little Book of Tube Etiquette, published by Gibson Publishing and available at Waterstones, Foyles, Amazon and a number of other online retailers and tourist shops.
Follow me @LauraKing14
http://www.gibsonpublishing.co.uk/

tube etiquette: sense the rage people

OK. Today has not been my best day. Very far from my best day. I've been suppressing a bubbling anger all day long if I'm honest.

So what I ask all tube etiquette followers is to sense the rage.

I don't think it's that hard to sense - eyes focused in semi-angry stare for large periods of time, a bit of smoke coming out of the ears but I think the most obvious trait is the intolerance.

Which means tube users are easy prey. 

I will leave you alone if you do not bother me. Easier said than done.

On my way home from work this evening I encountered the following:

- shouty shouterson and her friend on the tube carriage separated by many squashed commuters yet convinced their conversation was the only thing good about the carriage. WRONG.
- Little miss wear no pants squatting in what was meant to be my seat, if it weren't for the knuckledusters and pointy elbows deftly displayed (and used) as we got on the tube
- lovey and loverson groping and snogging loudly (oh yes, slurping and all) amidst packed carriage to the utter dismay of all wedged in around them
- mr 'beatz' whose music was quite possibly the loudest I have ever heard on the London Underground from accross the carriage

 I tried my best to ignore...but I'm pretty sure my eye rolling and exasperated sighs gave the game away somewhat.

Am I getting old, or just more intolerant? Granted, I've been in a right stinking mood today but does this mean I'm getting worse or just more aware of people's bad behaviour?

I don't know, I just wish they'd stop infuriating me so.
I may have possibly written this slightly intoxiated but I hope that doesn't nullify the points.
Good night.

New tube etiquette rule - leave me alone in the morning

Last Thursday I was travelling to work on the Central Line with a considerable hangover.  Aside from feeling and probably looking rather worse for wear I was pretty much behaving myself in line with my own tube etiquette.

The tube was becoming more and more packed as we neared central London. I was standing in between the two rows holding on to the pillar in the middle. About halfway into the journey my handbag started slipping off my shoulder and so I shrugged it back on so not to drop it on the floor. Unfortunately, I accidentally bumped the lady next to me.

I was pretty unprepared for the venom unleashed.

The woman whipped round and started laying into me. I was so shocked, and hungover, that I only really remember clipped bits of what she was saying.  I think the fact that I didn’t react for so long just made her worse as she then said that I ‘obviously did it on purpose as she had bumped into me accidentally earlier’ and that I had kept looking at her and done it back and this was a much more aggressive bump…

I genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. In my hungover trance-like state I hadn’t even registered her presence until I unwittingly whacked her with my handbag and jerky arm.  But, in her head, it transpired we’d been secretly battling handbag space for the whole journey.

I really didn’t know what to say to her and so mumbled back ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about' and went back into trance mode.  I don’t even remember whether the other passengers in the carriage reacted to this debacle which is a shame because I’d love to have known if they were as shocked as I am by this strange angry woman or whether they had noticed her getting wound up and unhinged.

This got me thinking - it’s funny how people wind themselves up in their own heads and convince themselves that something is happening when it isn’t.

I started to wonder if I did that myself and then my head hurt and I stopped.

Then I realised the only morals to come out of this story are don’t take your obvious anger management issues out on strangers on the tube and, most importantly, if you see someone that is in a trance and unable to speak – perhaps it’s best to assume a hangover and leave well alone.

Take action to bring back London's pride

I'm diverting from my normal rants about the need for etiquette on the London Underground to something much more important this week: restoring London's pride.

While various members of the City's youth has done its best to tarnish our reputation as well as the many local businesses who are now wondering what, if any, future they have, the working together attitude the mainstream communities has displayed means that our pride in London is still evident.

Reports abound of the clear up operation today being inundated with eager volunteers, so much so that people were told to stop coming.  Let's hope another clear up operation isn't needed tomorrow.

These youths are looting for no other reason than to appear radical or cool to their friends. They have no real political message and are nothing more than children who are either being caught up in the mindless violence or are made to think they are making a stand because they feel like society has forgotten them.

Well society will certainly remember them now - and for all the wrong reasons. They may use social media to incite other riots but we will use it to name and shame them into, hopefully, custodial sentences.

My fear is that, because of the ridiculous 'human rights' law, police are not empowered to take more drastic measures to stop them should the riots continue.  Europe, who until now has been concentrating on its own financial issues, is now looking at the UK in disbelief and asking, why aren't we taking a stronger stance? Why aren't we getting the water canons out and deploying army troops to send a clear message that this will not be tolerated?

Why indeed. What David Cameron et al need to decide is if stamping out this complete disregard for people's safety, livelihoods and the country's reputation at a time when international reputation is so important to the economy is the main priority. I for one believe it is and that any action should be taken to do so.

Youths that run around and set fire to people's businesses and shops should, quite simply, be looked at as potential murderers. The images of people jumping from burning buildings or running out of shops just in time before they are set alight is evidence of a much more sinister edge to looting and disturbance.

It's all very well asking parents to call their children and get them home - if these children were likely to listen to their parents and respect their orders do we really think that they would disrespect their communities in such a way in the first place? Of course not, the problem is much deeper than that and only showing strength and intolerance will stamp out the immediate issues.  Then, we can go back to examining the longer term issue of respect, parenting and of course poverty.

Although - you have to wonder just how genuinely 'poor' these kids are if they are using blackberries to organise the riots in the first place.


Laura King is the author of The Little Book of Tube Etiquette, available at Waterstones, Foyles Bookshop, Amazon and other retailers.
Follow me on twitter @LauraKing14
http://www.gibsonpublishing.co.uk/

Is there such a thing as tube OCD?

It's funny the strange behaviour exhibited by some on the tube. You get to witness all sorts of foibles and potential cases of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Earlier this week I was travelling in relative Tube bliss for once, not in rush hour. I was sitting quite happily reading a second hand metro when I noticed the woman in front of me staring and huffing repeatedly at the advertising board above my head.

The board was hanging down slightly at one corner - not by much - but annoying perhaps to some people, particularly those with some form of OCD.

After a few minutes she became increasingly agitated and started edging towards the board. After a few further minutes she started prodding at the corner that had come unstuck. 

At this point said lady is quite close to me as the board is directly above my head. The man sitting to my left looked a little alarmed at her behaviour as she became more animated - jabbing at the board repeatedly as the corner refused to behave and go back into its frame.

Eventually she became so annoyed that with one over-zealous jab at the corner of the board, the whole thing popped out of the frame and bopped on to mine and my neighbours' heads.

At this point the man next to me looked pretty scared at what appeared very irrational behaviour while others, who hadn't realised what the lady was doing at all, almost jumped out of their seats in surprise at being hit on the head by an inanimate object. I was less alarmed, having witnessed the build up for a while.

The poor lady looked mortified, her face now a shade of red only witnessed at Christmas. At the next stop she dashed off - I don't think it was her stop but the variety of faces being made around the carriage made her realise her personal war with this board had been made very public.

Is this the tube equivalent of repeatedly turning on and off a light switch as you enter a room - making sure all the adverts are perfectly straight and positioned?

Or, did she work for the advertising company behind the board? If she did, it didn't work because despite her drama I still can't remember what the board was promoting - and I work in marketing too.

What disturbs me most about the whole episode however (other than the bump on my head) is that I could actually see the drama coming and I kind of understood how she was feeling.

While I don't get quite so upset about errant tube advertising boards for example, other people's behaviour sometimes makes me feel irrational and wound up - hence The Little Book of Tube Etiquette.

Perhaps I have some form of tube OCD too? Although I hope that by channelling mine into humour it's not quite so annoying to others....The jury's out on that one.


Laura King is the author of The Little Book of Tube Etiquette, available in Waterstones Piccadilly & Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Cards, Amazon and other online retailers.
@LauraKing14
http://www.facebook.com/#!/littlebookof.tubeetiquette
http://www.gibsonpublishing.co.uk/
http://www.self-publish-my-book.co.uk/