The Little Book of Tube Etiquette: children + rush hour = hell

I actually quite like children and eventually, one day, will want to have some of my own.

However, there is no one that can convince me that taking children on the London Underground during rush hour is a good idea.

Firstly it's not really fair to the child. They have not been adequately prepared for such hell as a rammed tube carriage full of sights and smells they'll never have witnessed before (and never want to again) - let alone the violence and competition involved between fellow commuters to try and get a seat.

More importantly, it's not fair to us - the commuter. We have paid ever increasing fares to use this painful mode of transport so why should we have to give up our whole seat for a small and energetic child, who won't sit still long enough to make good use of the seat? Especially as it's clearly a very energetic and healthy child based on the fact that we can hear it has full use of its lungs from the next carriage.

Furthermore, even if the person next to me gets up for the child to sit down, or even if the child is sat on their parent's lap, said child is very likely to rub their sticky grubby mitts in our faces and make us feel all OCD for the rest of the day about what germs we've incurred. Seriously, why do parents let them do this?

Indeed, the worst kind of parent is one who naturally assumes everything about their small minion is delightful. This normally means actually willing innocent members of the public on to be interactive with their child. This is highly irritating and rather rude to assume that we are impressed by a child as they are. Cue willing the child on to sing at the top of their voice on a packed tube carriage while mother/father/nanny claps boisterously and makes you do the same.

And all of this is without going into detail about the obvious distress and non-stop screaming. I mean, I understand why the child is screaming, I often feel like doing the same but it's simply awful to listen to - whether in morning rush hour or evening when you just want peace and quiet before or after another long day in the office.

Frankly, I blame the parents. Either don't travel in rush hour with young children and if you absolutely must, make sure they are 100% well behaved, don't take up their own seat, and preferably keep their hands and voices to themselves.

Thanks.

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