While you are trying to get around London in 26 degrees heat and the Tube is rammed full of tourists with cameras and backpacks, talking excitedly about the Royal Wedding, I will be lying on a beach, cocktail in hand, elated that my own wedding is out of the way and I'm missing the whole debacle.
Sure it would have been nice to see Kate and Wills say 'I do' after all these years but I'm afraid I just don't care enough to tune in on my honeymoon.
I certainly won't miss the inevitable tube crush as hoardes of well-wishers descend upon London town for the occasion. I'm sure every line will suffer delays, carriages will be stuck underground in tunnels, there will be frequent stops for fainters, and we will have the annual debate about whether air conditioning should be mandatory on all tubes and water bottles sold underground.
I urge all Londoners to avoid this nightmarish scenario and walk from location to location - leave the tube to the tourists who don't know how close together everything is and need to check a map at each Underground station.
So enjoy the Royal Wedding London, and I'll enjoy mine. Back at the end of May.
The Little Book of Tube Etiquette shares the humorous experiences of commuting on the Tube and the tongue-in-cheek etiquette that fellow tube users should follow. This blogs features excerpts from the book and ongoing experiences of the London Underground
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The Little book of Tube Etiquette illustrations
front cover
The Little Book of Tube Etiquette illustrations
If I were mayor, I'd have tube detectives
The Little Book of Tube Etiquette illustrations
Let others off the tube before you get on
The Little Book of Tube Etiquette illustrations
Dont be ill on the tube
The Little Book of Tube Etiquette illustrations
I dont want to hear your loud music
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